Staples2Naples 2005
CHOOSING a car was only part of the work involved - then there was the not insignificant task of getting it ready for the rally.
As expected, getting our 30-year old Allegro rally ready was not always a straightforward process...
1 May 2005
E-Series powered to Naples - this is how our £100 heap looked when I handed over my wad of used tenners to Classic Car Weekly's Richard Gunn (yes, THE, Richard Gunn). The question on everyone's lips at the time was, will we make it to Naples?
THIS year's event is very much different, though. For one, there will be no points for numbers of countries entered in the first day - so, without that task to meet, there seemed little point in picking up a 140mph+ car to drive through the night in to rack up thirteen countries (and yes, that is what I was planning). No, the organizers are playing down any road race aspect of the event, leaving us with the appealing prospect of some serious orienteering in some of the most beautiful contryside Europe has to offer.
And without the need for a quick car underneath us, we can take a more relaxed and philosophical to the Staples2Naples challenge.
That left us with the task of finding a suitable car for the event. Now, going on last year's showing, there would be no better chariot to take than another Rover 216... except for one thing. It's so damned competent, and so likely to make it to the end, that much of the thrill of taking a £100 banger would be negated. After all, every morning, I woke up knowing we'd make it to the end of the day without missing a beat.
It didn't stop me thinking about looking for another one, though.
Instead, I started to think about taking something a bit flakier - something not guarateed to make it. After the shocking unreliability of Citroen BXes on the event, I did consider taking one of these, especially as I recently purchased a 16-Valve version. But thoughts of hammering this down the autobahn at 140mph (and they'll do this) had me wondering about the 'relaxed approach' I promised to take this time around.
However, when Classic Car Weekly's Richard Gunn offered me his car for the event, it seemed perfect. For one, he's sold it me for a under its market value, as he wanted to see his car 'go out in a blaze of glory'. At exactly £100 it represents a hell of a lot of naffness for the money.
All our problems are solved then: it's got the whiff of underdog (beige, a black vinyl roof and a purple interior), it's slow (so we won't get speed trapped in Switzerland) and it's the right price. Naples here we come!
1975 Austin Allegro 1500 Special Engine: 1485cc, OHC, 75bhp Performance: 86mph, 0-60mph in 15.5 seconds Fuel consumption: 25-30mpg Total cost: £100.00
Richard, we salute you... we're already looking good for the prize for the 'biggest pile of rubbish' to make it to Naples. Assuming we make it - and a lot of people think we won't!
And I'm already looking forwards to piloting it up Stelvio Pass - I'm assuming it'll be quicker going up in reverse!
The team...
PLAYING on one of the one major strengths of last year's team, Alexander Boucke is coming along for the ride - because he's a brilliant navigator, he has a chiller box, and will be bringing along a fine selection of cooked meats to keep the driver happy.
This time round, we're called 'Team Gobsmacked' on account of us nearly winning it last year, and at the moment, the jury's out as to whether we bring the Aggro back or not...
We're also undecided about sponsorship - if you feel the need to throw money at us, we'll gladly carry your company's logos for the event (and it'll be featuring at least in a double page spread in the country's best-selling weekly classic car mag), so you can count on some good free advertising.
Because we'll be needing funds with which to service the car...
Come on, you know your company would benefit from having its logos attached to a beige Allegro :-)
10 May
JUST a note to everyone who has written to me offering their services to us as the team's third member - I have received loads of requests, so will need to sit down and think about who to bring along.
So with that in mind, do drop me a line if you fancy coming along - we also wouldn't mind a support car (hint, hint), but don't get despondent if you don't hear back immediately, as things are pretty hectic here, and I'll need to weigh up the best points of each potential nutter (I mean driver)...
23 May
Classic Car Weekly's deputy editor, Richard Gunn (right) seems rather pleased to be seeing the back of his Allegro, called 'Molly'. Keith Adams (left) on the other hand, looks a little less delighted with the prospect...
WELL, the deal is done and there is no turning back. The Allegro is paid for, and will be travelling to austin-rover.co.uk Towers in the next few days. I have to say that after seeing the car up close again, I'm becoming more confident that we'll make it to Naples (and probably back again) in the Longbridge heap.
Everything about the car seems remakably solid to me - the engine also burst into life without any persuasion and purred away as only an E-Series with 36,000 miles on the clock can do. There's an AM-only radio in it, so I guess the only music we'll be listening to in it on the way down to Naples will be Seventies grade pop - perfect for our beige beauty.
I'm hoping to think up a scheme for the car - but looking at it, this may not be ultimately necessary, as the car's unrelenting naffness will be a theme all of its own. Perhaps Alexander, our third driver and me will have to dress the part (cloth caps and tweed jackets with patches on the elbows) during the event.
If you have any suggestions, please drop me a line. The same goes for offers of free servicing, or any other acts of generosity :-)
But here's the strangest thing - I'm really getting excited at the prospect of driving this car to Naples, and am really looking forward to twirling its quartic wheel through Stelvio Pass' 48 lacets.
6 July 2005
THE old team is re-united. After a great deal of deliberation and much twisting of his management's arm, Declan Berridge makes a return to 'Team Gobsmacked' for 2005.
This year, he might actually get to spend some time behind the wheel of our car, if only because there could well be fights between team members over who is not driving 'Molly the beige babe' through the Alps...
13 August 2005
A HORRIBLE thought hit me today as I watched 'The Italian Job': we're going on Staples2Naples next month! How quickly time flies!
All has been quiet on the Staples2Naples front, but that is not to say that we've not been beavering away planning the event.
I must admit I was very pleased to hear that this year's challenge will not include a day one challenge to enter as many countries as possible in one day. Last year, we did eight, and I had it in mind that we could do considerably more this time around thanks to there being no check-in time at the end of the day. I had initially thought we could travel through the night sharing the driving and go to the following countries: France, Belgium, Holland, Germany, Luxembourg, Austria, Lichtenstein, The Czech Republic, Slovenia, Italy and Switzerland.
When we were told that this wouldn't be the format of the event this year, I breathed a huge sigh of relief. Could our Allegro 1500 Special have been physically capable of covering that distance within the time allowed? A Rover 827, Saab 9000 or some such, probably... an Allegro which is flat out at 86mph? Not a hope in hell.
Still, that kind of challenge interested me - so Allegro or no Allegro, I was sad to hear we weren't going for the record...
Since our last S2N update, it has been made clear to us that the concept of support teams and the S2N are not mutually compatible, and thinking about it, I can see why that would be. Relying on your own mettle in a dodgy £100 munter would definitely have the edge taken off if there were a nice comfortable back-up car constantly in the rear view mirror. So, sadly, that means goodbye to Stewart Weller and his bargain Rover Sterling - but I suspect we'll be seeing him in next year's S2N - this time, as an entrant!
Organizing our trip did present some pitfalls. Not in the booking of the hotels or ferries (that was the easy part), but in making sure we have the correct 'accessories' to take with us. This time round, the organisers have decided to add some spice to the proceedings, and that means dressing up like Clint Eastwood (in Spaghetti Western mode), and each team member carrying a Triple Shot Super Soaker water gun. Not sure what we're all going to look like - 70-odd teams of Clint Eastwood look-alikes battling through Italy in a variety of decorated bangers. It's going to be interesting.
Anyway, why would the fact we have to carry Triple Shot Super Soakers with us cause a problem? They're not made anymore - and therefore, are as easy to come across as a set of 13-inch Maestro cheesgrater alloy wheels.
I know some of the teams have really struggled with this - but we have been lucky thanks to Declan's ability to search the Internet, and a contact in the USA. So, we're tooled up (well, I'm still looking for a manly looking poncho, but that's a different matter), and now all we have to do is bone up on our Clint Eastwood films (it seems the organisers wil be questioning us on our Spaghetti Western knowledge at the end of Day three).
Aside from all that, I need to give 'Molly the beige babe' a bit of a seeing to. She needs some new brake pads, a flush of brake fluid, new plugs and perhaps some tyres. I found on my last road test that although there's plenty of tread left on them, they've gone off, as at the merest whiff of a corner, she squeals in protest like a stuck pig. It's funny when taking roundabouts near home, and I am sure I could live with it on the daily commute - but coming down the Italian side of Stelvio? The mind boggles.
She's still in storage for the time being, but I'm getting her out next weekend, when the preparations will begin.
I'm still wondering about a colour scheme. I don't think I'll paint her, as we've had this mad idea to bring her back (EasyJet would be too easy, yeah) via the Nurburgring(!) and sell her on, so that precludes messing up the wonderful Harvest Gold colour scheme. However, I would like to add some racing stripes, CCW Editor Russ Smith came up with the perfect solution. He suggested I use some brown packing tape to stripe her up, and that sounds like a damned fine idea!
Anyway, if any of our our fine readership has any suggestions, then please get in touch...
20 August 2005
Parcel tape stripes and sun-strip look magic on Molly...
MOLLY has been brought out of hibernation, and the preparations for her long journey to Naples begin in earnest this week.
Most importantly, we needed to get some pictures of her for posterity. For me, the most interesting aspect of the day's events has been to get behind the quartic wheel yet again and get some miles under the belt - after all, we'd be spending a lot of time together, and I thought it was time to begin to understand about the Molly driving experience.
A lot of people had been saying to me that all it would take a few miles for the Allegro magic to work on me.
But I must admit that when I first drove her (after stepping straight out of my 75), I couldn't help but wonder what that hell I had done. My initial feelings of dread were soon reinforced by the cantakerous gearchange, unwilling engine and laughably badly damped ride.
That first frive from Peterborough to darkest Northamptonshire was a real culture shock for me - and even when compared with my badly rusting Alfasud (currently off the road being re-built - aren't they all?), I thought it was a real pup.
When I Molly into storage, it was a rainy day - and it soon became apparent, the tyres were past their prime. Every corner either saw her slithering for dear life, or squealing like a stuck pig. Needless to say, when I arrived at the storage lock-up, put her in, and closed the garage door on her, I wasn't in the least bit sad...
Yes, one or two amusing character traits emerged, but on the whole, the S2N run was beginning to fill me with dread.
Well, after a bit of a drive on familiar territory, the strangest and most unpredictable thing happened to me. The old girl actually started working her magic on me. Just as Richard and every other Allegro lover out there predicted, I began to warm to Molly - and my previous worries about our prospects on the rally began to melt one by one.
For one, she is in very good mechanical shape. That little E-Series engine bursts into life with real vigour - and driving off, the clutch is smooth, and gear engagement is consistent. I won't say consistently good - because you'll nearly always need to go into second and push the stick back up in order to get her into first. Third and Fiffth are also rather difficult to find - but on the whole, it's consistently like that, so at least you know where you stand.
Steering is also a bit heavy at parking speeds, which is to be expected. However, it lightens up nicely at speed, and manages to deliver loads of feel... This is a very good character trait, because on rather perished front tyres, grip levels are laughably low (at the moment). Understeer is monumental, and there's something peculiarly amusing about the front end squealing and washing away - meaning to make that corner, you just add more and more lock. It's cumbersome, but also very funny. This could be a laugh going up Stelvio, but I think I'll treat her to new boots, just to avoid scaring Declan and Alexander.
Performance is good enough. It's not the happiest going over 80mph at the moment (the tyres are badly out of balance), but that situation will change for sure. I'm hoping that once the new rubber is on, we'll be happily able to cruise near or at Molly's top speed of a mighty 86mph...
Beyond that, the ride quality is really rather good, once you get used to the inadequate damping.
So, there you go - driving Molly hasn't been the nightmare I thought it would be. Obviously, many of the other S2N teams visit this page, and most have either expressed wild amusement or masses of pity for us - and to be fair, I can understand why. Still, I suspect Alexander, Declan and I will be reasonably happy at the end... Just as long as I don't decide to go banzai through the Alps like I did last year. I suspect Molly, won't let me though...
We did did begin to add some decorative touches to Molly. So, we now sport go-faster stripes and a sun strip - made from good old parcel tape. Given her less than glamorous Harvest Gold paint scheme, it seemed right to be-deck her in such drab looking colours. Best not leave it there, though - we need more decoration, and I'm looking for ideas of how to bling up Molly.
WELL, it's exactly a month to go to the big day, and the excitement is mounting.
The feedback from the newly-published pictures of Molly have been positive, and it looks like we're going to stand out a little more than we did when we went in out Stealth Rover last year.
Someone pointed out a cool link - and one relevant to us: a webcam posted at the top of the Stevio pass... And as of yesterday afternoon, it was covered in snow. Let's hope it'll be a little clearer in four week's time, as I'm a little worried about Molly's capabilities in the snow...
Wish us luck!
5 September 2005
MOLLY'S preparations have been going well.
A full service has seen her receive new plugs, filters, brakes, and tyres - and since then, she's been driving very well indeed, thank you very much. Thanks to our selling a couple of cars, Molly may end up being my daily driver for a little while, so any problems we encounter should be ironed out before we get to Calais.
Well, that's the hope anyway...
As you can see from the accompanying picture, we've started to add some logos to Molly. Okay, she was always going to stand out anyway, in an event populated by exotic early Nineties iron like the Volvo 440, Saab 900 and Vauxhall Carltons that seem to make up half the field, but that's beside the point.
Our car looked so standard and shiny last year, most other competitors thought we were regular holidaymakers!
This time, we're making sure it looks more as it should.
Note the name sign. My son's creation: 'Allagro' :-)
Brilliant!
Let's hope Molly won't be any aggro at all. If you have any suggestions or stickers you'd like to see on, drop us a line...
9 September 2005
NEXT week is crunch time - thanks to an impending Lancia deal falling through, we now only have my 75 and Molly (and another Allegro shaped cars, more of which later), so I've drawn the short straw of having to commute to Peterborough in the Allegro for the next week or so.
If Molly can stand up to the rigours of the A605, A14 and B660, we'll be in reasonable shape. Certainly, she's a head turner now, but I'm not sure whether that's down to her unrelinquishing Allegroness, or simply because of the stickers we've applies to her svelte panels. I'll keep you informed how she's running...
Here are some pictures of her now - more transfers to come, I suspect :-)
The Sniff Petrol logo, our driver stickers and the Austin-Rover sign were supplied by Phil Dunford at, www.thecarsticker.co.uk.
14 September 2005
WELL, it isn't exactly sweetness and light, as it looks like Molly is suffering from a knackered CV joint. I'll know more when I get it apart at the weekend, but I'm sure it's fixable. Other than that, she's driving well, and there are no signs of any trouble - mind you, I've yet to test her over 70mph on account of the UK speed limit (of course) and the fact she gets the uncontrollable shakes...
Not exactly confidence inspiring...
On a lighter note, I took her to work to get some photos, but the girls from the office became all interested and ambushed the photoshoot!
Molly in the car park - more stickers applied, and she is now a real head turner. For the right reasons? Who knows...
Before I know it, Molly and I had attracted some attention, and my photo session had been ambushed from the Kelsey Publishing office lovelies... I wonder if I can trade Declan and Alexander in for (left to right), Jenny, Tamara and Claire?
Sadly after all the attention, Molly wouldn't start, so our impromptu models ended up putting their backs into the task of getting her started again!
18 September 2005
THE prosects of us getting to Naples are up and down like nobody's business at the moment.
After several exploratory pokes around the front suspension, we found that the nearside front CV joint was well and truly up the duff - and needed replacement. So that was done - and a badly buckled wheel replaced. That cured the clonking and knocking from the front, and improved the vibrations coming from the front end of the car.
It didn't eliminate them, though.
I took the car to work on Friday, and found that over 70mph the vibration returned. The faster we went, the worse the vibration became - and although you could say that's no problem as we're not going to be driving too quickly on our way to Italy, I still don't like the idea of being limited to such a sedate speed on day one, when we have at least 600 miles to cover.
So, I took the car to another garage in order to get the wheels balanced on the car... and after a bit of work, the vibrations were finally ironed out.
Relief and victory!
On the way home, I took Molly down out local by-pass, and unleashed the awesome power of the single-carb 1500cc E-Series engine. In no time, we were well above the limit, and there was nary a vibration to worry about. However, as I pulled out to pass a dawdling pick-up, I floored the throttle, the revs soared skywards, and the sickening realisation hit me: the clutch was slipping. Molly had grabbed defeat from the jaws of victory - and I let out a roar of frustration...
By the time I got home (a couple of miles from when the slipping first kicked in), the car had become almost impossible to drive. In fact, I have to say I'm really impressed with how quickly the clutch has let go! BL engineering at its finest...
So, we now have to find a clutch, then fit it before the close of play, Wednesday. Well, actually I have set myself a deadline of 3.00pm Tuesday, to have it done. If it isn't, 'Plan B' comes into play.
What's 'Plan B', I hear you ask?
Well, it would have involved me taking one of my other cars, but now that I don't have any other cars, it means going to the car auctions at Northampton on Tuesday evening and picking up something with an MoT for less than £100. Do-able, but a little scary...
We'll keep you posted...
20 September 2005
TALK about cutting it fine. I picked up Molly from Marlow Motors in Burton Latimer, Northamptonshire (01536 723577), this evening with a fresh new clutch installed. Our destiny is set - we WILL be taking the Allegro on the Staples2Naples run.
I was having doubts yesterday, though. I had dropped the car off at Marlow's on Saturday, hoping the owner, Mike, would be able to sort it out pretty quickly the following Monday (yesterday). A quick 'phone call to Mike at lunch time confirmed my own suspicions - he'd stripped what he needed to and had removed the old clutch (it was worn out), but couldn't find anyone who stocked a new clutch for the E-Series Allegro.
Luckily I was at work, and my boss, CCW Editor Russ Smith, chucked a copy of the Maxi Club magazine and suggested I give Ernie Jackson a call to see if he had one. I rang straight away - and, yes, Ernie had one. Phew!
So, I dashed up to Lincolnshire straight after work, and picked up a clutch assembly and oil seal, for a reasonable £42.50.
This morning, I dropped off the clutch and waited... Three hours later, Mike called me - the clutch is fitted and everything was now working fine.
So, we're back to where we were for a brief moment on Saturday afternoon - everything is working on the Allegro, it doesn't shake now above 80mph, and as far as I can tell, we're now finally in good shape for S2N. I'm intending to run the car to work and back tomorrow in order to check that everything is working as it should be, and then on Thursday I'll head for Calais, picking up Declan on the way.
I'm sure everything will be fine, but right now, I'm really nervous - and part of me is saying that I should most definitely not take the Allegro to work for fear of something else breaking or dropping off... I keep saying, 'what else can go wrong?', and then something else happens which proves that there's loads left that can go awry.
Here's to wishing us luck - I suspect we'll need it!
22 September 2005
THE clutch is on, and the front is still knocking. After tightening every single suspension component and engine mounting, there is still a distinct 'bocking' noise coming from the front of Molly... It's too late to worry now - it's Italy or bust.
Wish us luck, and we'll be keeping an online diary of the event as it unfolds.
Let's just hope we remain part of it!
We made it to Dover without too many hitches. The clonking from the suspension was always on our minds, and that kept our speed down. No bad thing, really.
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